Ran across this as I was organizing some paperwork. This has been and continues to be extremely wise advice for me. Praying for gospel centered parenting.

~ By William L. Buchanan, Ph.D

It is important to give directives in a way that will invite the child to obedience.

1 - MAKE YOUR DIRECTIVE A STATEMENT INSTEAD OF ASKING A QUESTION

Oftentimes, parents will ask a question instead of clearly saying what it is they want the child to do. For example, instead of saying, "Go take your bath," a parent will say, "Don't you think it is time to take your bath?" The difficulty with this is that the child might genuinely believe that the answer is "No." Parents should not ask questions if they are not prepared to accept the answer. Parents need to be comfortable with making clear statements to their children.

2 - MAKE THE DIRECTIVE A MAXIMUM OF FIVE OR SIX WORDS

Parents often get into too much explaining. Children's attention spans are limited. The longer the parent goes into a great deal of explanation and detail, the increasingly lost the child gets and more likely to tune out the parents. Directives need to be short and simple. "Go take a bath," "Come to the table," "Turn off the TV", etc.

3 - TELL A CHILD WHAT TO DO INSTEAD OF WHAT NOT TO DO.

Parents frequently get into the habit of saying "Don't do this," and "Don't do that." Children get tired of hearing the word "don't" and parents get tired of saying the word, "don't." "Don't" is negative. It is much better to tell a child what you want them to do or what they may do instead of what they may not do. For example, instead of saying, "Don't run in the house," say, "You may walk in the house," or "Slow down and walk."

4 - WHEN GIVING DIRECTIVES, STAY CALM AND UNEMOTIONAL.

Parents often mistakenly think that becoming emotional will provide the necessary emphasis which will communicate that they really mean business. However, what this usually does is escalate the hostility and negativity. An upset parent will have a great deal of difficulty telling the child to calm down. Becoming emotional is like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on top of it, Directives should be given in a calm, respectful tone.

In summary, remember to make statements of no more than five or six words, telling the child what to do rather than what not to do, and remain calm and unemotional.